This is a Tribute to Ahmed

by Melita Rahmalia

Once you meet a Black man, you can never go back. 

Have you ever heard anything like this? I have, and I have always wondered, what makes them so special? 

And then I met an almost Black man (half-Tanzanian, half-Oman) and I instantly understood that saying. 

Ahmed was so charming, all-enveloping, and persistent in his efforts, and I found myself feeling so safe in the world that he’s trying to build between us. 

But I’ve learned from Issam’s experience, which taught me to never invest any feelings in a guy until he’s for real becoming my hubby. 

Still, it didn’t lessen any enjoyment I felt from his treatment of me. 

It was so good that I started making a playlist dedicated to him, filled with songs that he sent to me (one of which was “The Best” by Tina Turner and it was simply just one of the best songs I have ever heard!) and songs that reminded me of him and the feelings he gave me. 

Every time I need validation and need to reach those heightened emotions, I just play that playlist to remind myself of those feelings in my body. 

When I met him, I was feeling anxious about something and his presence grounded me. His constant calls and texting was an illusion of consistency that I was looking for at that time, and it made all the difference to my mood and my feelings. It felt like I could finally set myself free. 

When we decided to part ways, it felt like a mutual decision taken by two rational adults who knew that this decision was for the best for now. 

I cried my tears for a few days, and he caught me on video call just when I was crying my tears off, and it ended up being a tender moment between us, with him saying some of the sweetest things I have ever heard from a guy. 

Maybe some people are not meant to be with us forever. 

Maybe sometimes they are sent by God to be a flicker of light in the midst of the darkness of your vision, a serene song in the midst of your head’s chaotic drumming, a glimmer of hope in the midst of utter despair you’re facing. 

Just a brief moment with them is enough to carry you through the endless days ahead.  

Thank you for everything, Ahmed. For showing me how I would like to be pursued, and for knowing intuitively how I would want to be treated. For making me feeling so safe within your presence. It was obvious to me why you found it easy with women, you have this innate gift to please women. I hope you find the happiness you’re searching for.

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