I was on a taxi in a foreign country, again.
I spent the last day of 2017 in a city called Hong Kong, traipsing through the city by way of Big Bus Tour, shopping and browsing at the International Finance Centre mall and the Times Square, eating at the “best dimsum place” in Hong Kong. We closed the day by taking the ferry to Kowloon, the city across the harbour, to celebrate New Year’s Eve.
Blessed beyond measure, was how it seemed.
Yet 2017 gave me one incredible realization: it will never be enough.
I chased blessings in all the wrong places throughout 2017.
External validations.
Fleeting things.
Other people.
And as satisfying all those things are, they can also be…woefully inadequate.
This year taught me on a visceral level, even though I got that on a mental level before, perfection doesn’t exist on the plane I’m currently living in.
No matter how good things are, they are flawed. And we all need to come to terms with that.
For every happiness there are price to pay and for every gain there are compromises waiting to be made.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I am very grateful for everything that happened in 2017.
I got some really good achievement at work that defied my expectation and my belief about what I am capable of, I gained some experience in the field that I want to go into, I finally met and formed a connection with someone I genuinely like and admire from my online dating activity, and I made progress in terms of how my hobby and activism played out.
But I have been deprived of a real blessing – the kind where you feel incredibly content, instead of left wanting more. I remember how strongly I used to hold on to my principles. Now I struggle to identify what moral compass I haven’t sacrificed this year. On the way to what I think was what I really wanted I let go of something precious that I already had. And then I just kept letting go.
It was a tough moment for me to come to terms with, realizing that I am so very capable of letting go of principles I thought I hold dear.
This year was a reminder for me, what is really important. We all need that kind of year. Sometimes it takes losing something to realize the value of something.
But then I realize that the best thing about this current plane we are living in, is that this is not the destination. This is the journey and on a journey you will always be asked to move about, go forward, stay in motion.
So this is not a destination. It’s not the end.
This is a journey and when you get lost, you just have to find your way back. Pivot and turn around. Pause and think the best next maneuver you can make. On a journey, you realize that what you lose, you have a chance to find it again.
Life is a journey. In this life you get to keep going and move forward. Don’t chastise yourself for falling short, getting lost, sidetracked and distracted. Let that be a reminder of how weak we are and how badly we are in need of Divine Power.
I want 2018 to be the year I finally gained back what I lost in 2017. Aameen.
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